"Awakening" by Asia Samson (poem)

This is one of my favourite poems...
Written and performed by this poet named Asia Samson.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F2zI21Q1W1U
(disclaimer: I do not own the right to this poem. This is just a mere interpretation of what the original poet has performed through the video in the link above)

When the snow falls in the winter,
the woolly caterpillar crawls into a crevice and freezes to death.
Its blood stops flowing, its lungs hardens into ice, its heart comes slowly to a halt.
The heart is always the last to go.

But when the snow melts in the spring,
The ice stalls from its ventricles, the crystals dissolves from its lungs,
and just as slowly as it died, the woolly caterpillar awakens and comes back to life.

For 120 hours we waited for my sister to wake up.
My family mumbling prayers around the doctor who tells us
"she fell into a coma when a blood vessel hemorrhaged"
and my father has not stopped praying since.
My stepfather searching the eyes of doctors for the answers to those prayers
My siblings pushing me into the room as though I could perform a miracle
My mother making twin towers of my arms, the way she crashes into them now
while I attempted to believe that my faith far exceeds science and God would've awakened her somehow,
awaken sweet sister.

Tell me that my tears the size of mustard seeds will fall upon your cheek
and move the mountain of swelling in your brain.
Tell me that the same God who makes all things possible can still live up to His name, because
right now, that name belongs to your mother, who's cursing God for being too powered to make up His own mind, as she stares at the medical forms granting the hospital permission to let you die.
"If He wants her, then take her", she says, "who am I to decide?"
and by her side is your fiance, whose fists are stones he's ready to throw if the doctor mentions organ donation just one more time but your father,
he sits still praying at your bedside, wrapping rosaries around your hands, and tucking prayer cards behind your neck, "God will resurrect my daughter", he says. "Please, God. Tell me she'll resurrect."
How do I respond?

How do I agree when the tubes of your IV intertwines around my throat,
strangles my voice every time I plead:
awaken sweet sister.
Make this poem easier to write.
Tonight, pull out the respirator in your throat and speak the words that will end this poem brighter than how it begun. Remove the tubes and we'll blow kisses into your veins that you may know where the true source of your life comes from. How it comes from your heart.
How when this hurricane whirled, it broke it into tiny pieces.
Drop them like care packages on our laps; you always had enough of it to give,
which is why there are 200 people in the waiting room now ready to give it back in case you needed to live

But on the seventh day, the doctor gave us the results of the last test my sister will ever take
and I swear, I'm not built for earthquakes like that. My knees buckling like a bridge, my arms shaking too much to catch another one of my mother's crash landings.
None of us was left standing.
We were all falling through the cracks, falling until we hit the floor of her room that night;
this is what rock bottom must look like.
The nurse disconnecting her machines, our hands stretching to touch a part of her as we wailed,
our tears dropping as fast as her heartbeat, our sanity vanishing with her breath,
faster it faded;
my stepfather stroking her face,
faster it faded;
my father presses her hand to his cheek,
faster it faded;
we're still waiting on a miracle,
faster it faded;
my face planted to my mother's belly
"mommy this hurts",
faster it faded;

and then it was finished.
Her monitors dropped to zero, and as her breath emptied and her heartbeat slowed, her fiance removes the ring from her finger, ties it to his necklace and says, "how fitting".
It was her heart that was the last to go.
It was silent after that.
Silent as my mother reaches over to close her daughter's eyes, my stepfather releases a long-awaited sigh, my siblings straightens the creases in her blanket while my father unravels the rosary from her hands, takes the prayer cards from behind her neck and slips them into his pocket, places a kiss on her forehead, her chest and both her shoulders. "Put in a good word to God for us," he says.

And that's when I knew,
that all along we had failed to see the light at the end of this tunnel she was going through
because while we were praying for her awakening, the awakening was really meant for us,
to remind us that life is coma we can still choose to wake up from;
that faith means not having to wait for the sun to come, because sometimes, the sun doesn't come
but we can still rise on our own.
Her last breath has already blown life into the candles of our bones
with nothing more than a wish that we may live more fully.

The woolly caterpillar
freezes to death in the winter
and comes back to life
in the spring.

For 14 years, it goes through the same cycle of awakening, waiting until the final year when its work is complete, then spins itself into a cocoon to be reborn to moth and fly away for good.
So, sleep now sweet sister. You surrendered your life at too many winters; we'll take it from here.
Sleep now and wherever you wake, may you be reborn with wings on your back, fly into the sun knowing that when our own winter ends, spring will come and we'll see each other again, but until then, yeah

Put in a good word to God for us.

Life.

I wonder why...

Why do we celebrate life, when all ends in death?
I dread having to reach one step closer to the day I depart from this wretched, forsaken, wasteland, only to go to some place which is far off worse that this.

Why do we have so much hope for salvation?
Why do we hope for a heaven when we are pretty much hell-bound?

The irony of going to church, is to confess your sins yet make false promises to change and renew, yet we are still bound to sin. We are still indulging in the false pleasures of this sinfulness. We worship and pray all the more but yet, in vain.

I wonder why, we don't say "I love you" enough,
why do we not make things all the more meaningful and worthwhile, why are we so chained to worldly things and not things which are worth more like love and faith?
This world, and furthermore, this body is dying, decaying, as it already is.

I wonder why we can't renew ourselves.
I wonder why
we can't just
live
the way we should be.

I am only 16, yet I know that at any moment now, I can just fade away.
I can seem like I have a long way to go, but what if sudden death hits me?

By then, even with such faith, I would've lost.
I only pray this, in whatever way He can
save me!
For I am already lost, waiting to be found once again.

Missing you... ©

Dear darling
I miss the times we could freely say
"I love you" to each other.
Ever more freely express
the mixed feelings we had 
towards each other.

This love,
this love was free and open
as free as the birds in the sky can be
so free that it even makes the flowers
dance in the spring

I remember the days
we'd usually chatter away
like the wind that blows by
our conversations are a breeze
yet sometimes, a hurricane.

Dear darling,
I miss you. I miss the days we could freely say
"I love you" to each other.
When our hugs were so tight
these actions spoke louder than those three words.
We were so close yet, now, ever so distant

That closeness which we once had
This love that united us
Gave me a hope for an everlasting warmth.
But now, only a silence between us
This distance, so close yet so far
now gives me chills.
Cold, like your shoulders with your back
turned against me.

I miss our conversations.
I missed the breeze
that kissed my cheek first thing in the morning.
You were the sun to my sky
brightening up my day before it began!

And now, you have become a memory,
leaving a void in this old, wretched heart of mine.
This is where I realised
this star has died, leaving a black hole to create
this emptiness, sucking me of my whole.

Dear darling,
I miss the times we could freely say
"I love you" to each other.
If only these words could give me back
the life I once had, with you
just having another conversation.
I will forever yearn for a love as warm as yours,
a love that shines brighter than the sun.

I will forever yearn,
to set me free.

- Aaron J. Patrick

Woe to The Fallen

Woe to humanity
who has severely fallen
who "in the image and likeness
of God" they say
are disfigured, like the devil.

Woe to humanity!
They really do have fallen.
They go all out to war
to exploit and condemn all flaw
and all that's different between them.

Woe to humanity...
They have yet to preserve life
There is no peace
For they have yet to cease
the fire that has burnt us down.

Woe to humanity,
their prayers are in vain.
Salvation is but
the things of this world
and all they have yet to gain.

Woe to humanity
who has so much to offer.
And yet we have failed
and all the more,
fallen.

- Aaron J. Patrick

The Prodigal Son

Points:
- Once upon a time, there lived a wealthy farmer.

- He had a family of two sons.

- They were living together merrily.

- Years went by, the younger son became restless as he was unhappy with his lot.

- He went to his father and requested for his share of the property.

- The father tried to dissuade and advise his son, but the son wouldn't listen to his father whom he regarded as old and ignorant.

- Thus, the faher splitted the property into three parts and gave his son a third of it. 

- The young and ignorant lad sold his share of the property and migrated to another country.

- He led a luxurious life and spent a lot of money on gambling.

- Unfortunately, he eventually became bankrupt and became a pauper.

My grandfather used to tell me these stories, of a wise man who would generously teach the crowds and share his wisdom. "It is pure philosophy", he said. "This teaches us how we should live". I asked Grandfather the way of how this wise man taught the crowds and he said, "through parables".

      This is the parable of the Prodigal Son, of which was one of the many parables that was taught by that very wise man. Once upon a time, there lived a wealthy man. He owned a wide area of land and had farms all over, rich with cattle and sheep. With those, he had twenty servants, watching over his property and housekeeping. He also had two sons: one elder, and one younger. They lived together happily.

      Years went by, and it seemed like the wealthy man grew old with age. The younger son became restless an was unhappy with what he had. So, he went up to his father to ask for his share of the property. The old, wealthy man tried to dissuade his son and tried to advise him to be patient but he wouldn't listen to his father whom he regarded as old and ignorant. Thus, the father splitted the property into three parts, and gave a third to his son.

    This younger son, being young and naive, set out to sell off his share of the property and went on his way to another country. As soon as he reached there, he spent all his money on the pleasures that were to await him in that country. Partying, eating, drinking, gambling, brothels: he did them all. He lavished all his money on the things that could bring himself 'enjoyment', but little did he realise that he was just a young arrogant naive lad and that all of these things could not bring him content. When he did realise this, however, it was already too late. He became bankrupt. Broke. A pauper. His pockets weeping in emptiness as they were once so full.

   Now this young boy questioned himself, "was this all worth it?" He slumped down into a corner in the street, full of regret. "I need more money", he thought. So he went to search for work. However, when he did find a job, he found that his employers did not pay him well, let alone feed him. Famine overcame the land in which he dwelled. "Maybe", he thought, "Maybe, if I go back to my father's house, and ask him to make me one of his servants there, at least I could get a decent meal. For I am no longer worthy to be called his son". Thus, he left, wandering back the path from which he came, to his father's house.

   It took him almost a week to get across from country to country on foot, and a few more nights to reach his father's house, of which was once his original home. When he did get there, it was in the morning, and all of the wealthy man's servants would have already started working. As he approached the house, the young man saw his father standing at the front gate. His father approached him and greeted him with a loving embrace. "My son", he said. The young boy replied, "I am no longer worthy of being called your son, for I have sinned against heaven and against you. Please make me one of your servants instead". As he was saying this, his father had already called out to his servants, "Get the finest robe you can find! Kill the fattened calf and prepare it for my son has returned from the dead!"

   Therefore, a great feast was held for the return of the wealthy man's son. The father dressed his son in his finest robe, put a ring on his finger, had the best meal prepared out of the calf that they had been fattening in their farms, and sang songs of rejoicing! However, as the elder son saw this, he was furious. "All this while I have been with you, worked and slaved myself for you but not once did you even give me a goat to feast with my friends. But you kill the fattened calf and hold a feast for that idiot who squandered your money on prostitutes!". His father replied, "Listen son, all this while you were with me, so all I have is yours. But your brother here was dead, but now he has returned, alive again."

    "Well then", said Grandfather, as he finished telling the parable. "Can you tell me what's the moral value of the story?". I responded, "Yes. A father's love for his children is unconditional." "Yes, indeed.", Grandfather said. "As fathers, we should always love our children, and always be ready to forgive them so that they may be alive again." Thank you, Grandpa, for teaching me that love makes the sinner repentant, and the repentant sinner,

Forgiven.

Suicide Note

That's it.
I'm killing myself.
No, I'm not going to kill myself in an
already-decided manner.
It's not like jumping off a building
when you've already tripped and
fallen off cliffs that leave you either
falling flat on your face in embarrassment or
falling to your knees in sorrow and anguish.

And neither is it like cutting
or even stabbing yourself with a knife
when you've already received sharp and
cutting remarks that often leave yourself
with cuts to your face and it hurts because
you don't even need a knife to cut and stab yourself
when you've been stabbing yourself
with every single mistake that causes you grief.

But I would rather kill myself
in a way no one notices.
I am killing myself, with almost
every night I sleep for less than 8 hours
I am killing myself, with sleeping in that
same old dusty bedroom for about 15 years,
with the phone next to my head
I am killing myself, by all the hours I waste in front of a screen
I am killing myself, whenever I overeat, or undereat
I am killing myself, with all those times I don't look both ways
before I cross the street
I am killing myself, 'cause I know I am not going to ace those exams with flying colours
I am killing myself, because I know how much I am ashamed of myself and what more of a shame to my own family.

I am killing myself
Because, well...
It's not easy, having to live a life
when you don't feel alive.
It's not easy, having to stay alive
in a life that feels
meaningful yet meaningless
at the same time.

There was once a time, where my death
was once predicted in a dream, to be at sixteen.
With my mother right beside me, she weeps, saying
"I'm sorry dear, we cannot save you"
but you don't have to be sorry, Ma
I'm already dying
I'm already killing myself.

As the days go past, as the hours go to waste
As the decades come and go in the blink of an eye
and as time seems to slip from the palms of my hands like sand,
I slowly deteriorate.
I slowly start to fade away like how we turn into bone and ash
on that very last day.
My sight is now getting more blurry just like my vision,
And being exposed to the loud sounds of this hectic life may threaten
my hearing away, just like how my listening abilities lack the means to
understand one's meaning.

Slowly, I shall fade
into the darkness of non-existence
when I have finally learned how to live
by killing myself.

A Walk In The Park

A walk in the park did I go
and behold, the things that I see
are ever the things so beautiful
as how The Creator designed them to be.

I see, a Lady and her maid
walking through the park
like she was the Queen,
and her maid, her escort.

Sauntering 'round the pavement
as though the whole garden were
her kingdom.
The trees are her loyal servants
and the wind, her subject.

I see a princess, seated down
with her companion beside her
a pet dog, who is always near her
near, not, far, as she reads
the novel that she carries.

I see boys the size of men,
at the court as if it were
a battlefield.
Like soldiers and knights,
they battled and bout
as they scored with ball and hoop.

A bicycle is left in
the middle of the field
Like a steed, it waits silently
to be mounted on again by
its master.

And I am a lone warrior
Who is in his training
But like a Ronin,
who has no master to instruct him.


~Aaron J. Patrick

Learning to Love (original poem)

Doors have been opened
where doors have been closed
Tables have turned
This passion burns
A desire to learn
How to live.

If to live is to love
and to love is to give,
shouldn't this be all
in the life that we live?

If to live is to love
and to love is to learn.
Isn't this how knowledge
should be earned?

To be good, to be kind
To be strong, to be wise
not to simply
"just do and die"

But if to live is to learn
that is to learn how to love
then how amazing this love can be.
With life there is love
and with love there is life.
It'll certainly make you feel
more alive, again.

~by Aaron J. Patrick

Conflict (I'm not sorry)

There's motivation.
And then there's motive.

How one differs from the other kind of intrigues me...
I have experience in the art of procrastination.
Not that it was done voluntarily (the reader might think this is utter bullsh*t and would do anything to give me a tight slap on the face). But yea, I have been living (or, more appropriately I would say, existing) for about 15 years 7 months and 19 days. And within this whole current life span of 15+ years, the one and only thing I have been doing throughout is the same darn routine every day, every week, every month, every year, every time, with of course some minor changes here and there....

And the routine? Wake up early, get ready, go to school, get homework, get more homework, get yelled at, go home, eat meals, rest, do homework, go to bed, repeat. Then the list grows with time with more subjects to handle, chores to do, more chores to do, a growing responsibility, and more.

Then comes this time (and certain others) where you stop to think: what is this? Why are we here? Why am I here? What am I doing? What is the meaning of life? What is my purpose in life? What exactly am I doing? And you'll think stuff like death, life on earth, life after death (and the possibility of it), the end of the world, the destruction of the planet, etcetera etcetera...

Then comes the next phase of it: meaninglessness.
I felt, what was the point of going through all of this bullsh*t when we are just gonna die anyway?
"Meaningless, utterly meaningless."

Complacency and procrastination are up next on the phase list.
Everyone, teachers and friends alike (including myself, on the inside), is fed up with me. Frustrated. Annoyed. Infuriated. Exasperated.
You name it, they were all the more enraged. They felt it like that. Me? I was just plain sad.
I know that at the moment, my studies (homework and revision alike, education in general) are my top priority and responsibility. But no, what do I treat it as? Side trash. Just extra random papers and books that I have to carry on my back for the remainder of these 2 years (now just 1 year and 2 months) of which I barely even touch (well actually I do, with very little effort). However, this big bag and the textbooks I carry on my hand will remind me of the responsibility I have as a student, and the honour I have to bring to my family (my parents especially). My teachers, my parents, and a friend of mine (who stood representative for the group of friends we had) all gave me the wake up call. They ranted, they nagged, they shouted, scolded...and it seems to be working. At least it had. My cousin gave me inspiration, my aunt gave me advice, my uncle, incentive and that friend of mine? Motivation.

She told me that they that whatever I thought about myself was wrong. Just because I said sorry doesn't mean I mean it...yet. She told me how my friends got fed up of even looking at me. I slept in class most of the time, my homework is scarce and I had been quite the irresponsible one in group projects, which made me seem a little untrustworthy. She told me it was alright, they still saw me as a friend; nobody hates me. But my actions are the matter that only makes matters worse, that of which irritated them. Her point was, if I'm really sorry, I should show it by making some effort. They know I'm trying, but needless to say, they still don't see it. She refuted my statement that "I cannot change anything about myself" by telling me that it was just plain crap and that I do have the power to just change myself, if I so choose...

It was really uplifting to see how many people in your life support you throughout your journey. But no matter how much motivation you get, the one thing that you need to change, is your motive.
I have a lot of motivation, really. Also, I'm pretty determined that I can make it further in this life. But I know there are things that I lack and things that I need to get rid of.
I lack perseverance. I can't even be disciplined enough to stick my butt to a chair at a table and do revision for an hour. No, I don't have it at all. I need to get rid of my complacency. Just the thought of being "good enough" will not get me far. Hopefully, I will set my mind on greater things so I can achieve more. I also have to deal away with my procrastination. Set my priorities straight this time.
My motive? Just to go with the flow, is it? Or to just leave things as it is? Or maybe I don't have a motive? Maybe that's why some things are so demotivating.

So now after this, things MUST change. I need to move on and fight harder this time. Most importantly, fight myself to overcome this stupid behaviour so I can bring honour to my family. And to live a better life.

I'm sorry I'm lazy. I'm sorry I'm stupid. I'm sorry I'm irresponsible, untrustworthy, and a sucker for sleeping in class. But hey, like you said Lynn, maybe I'm not sorry.
So now I shall say, I'm not sorry.
I'm not sorry at all. I'm no longer sorry. You have every right to be angry at me. But I will do my best to change, no matter how little it may seem. My changes may seem negligible to your naked eye but as time progresses I will build myself, little by little. I have my right to be me. Yes, I am lazy. I can be irresponsible. And needless to say, I am annoying. But bear with me. This will all come to pass soon.

And hopefully, though my words and actions may come to conflict or contradict each other (like how my motive and motivations do) I hope that this may not be another one of those empty, false promises I have made.

I'm not sorry.
.
.
.
.

.

.

(but as long as we are friends, we should do what we can to help each other out, alright?)

Colours

                Colours are important. They are what brings life its significance. There are many colours in this world that we can see, of which have meaning and of which we can relate to. There are colours that describe our environment: it's nature and its characteristics. For example, like green is for grass and leaves on trees while the tree trunks and branches themselves are brown. The sky is blue and the waters too. Colours also paint our emotions; they describe them. Red is for anger, pain and passion, blue for calmness and sadness. Green for envy and disgust  and yellow for happiness.
These colours are what breathes life into our surroundings.

       Colours are very important because they too can predict a certain value toward anything: object or person alike. A person wearing a blue uniform can be of authority such as a policeman , or purple robes to show royalty such as a king. The king's possessions such as his crown and his ring are gold to show that his treasures is priceless, the china he uses for meals are silver also to show that they are pure valuable utensils fit for use during the feast of the king! The soldiers in an army wear green to show that they fight to defend their land, and the firefighters wear red and orange to show that they are a worthy opponent for the flames of which their colours have been worn upon themselves. With all these being said, colours are what brings identity and status to the things and people around us.

      It is a blessing to have such wonderful colours to behold in our daily lives. As I have stated in the previous paragraphs, it is what brings life its meaning, value and significance. However, there are people who are sadly very unfortunate to not be able to behold the beauty in the world, such as the colour-blind or those who are actually blind. Therefore, we should thank God that He gave us such wonderful gifts, and that we are able to see His glory reign throughout the Earth.

    Colours are often used in idoms. Examples of idioms are "beet red", "black and blue", "golden opportunity", "the green light", "green with envy" and many more. All are used to describe emotion, physical state, characteristics and etcetera...

[TO BE CONTINUED]

(ps: to Miss Monica, sorry that I have kept you waiting but I really don't have any idea on what else to type for this blog post...I'm just going to stop here and let you grade the content first, since you need it for our Ujian 2 marks. I don't think it would be much but I think I had done my best)

The Pokemon Craze

[For those who don't know: it's pronounced Po-kie-mon, otherwise Po-kay-mon]

So...Pokemon Go has been released in Malaysia for more than a week ago.
My friends talk about it, some adults talk about it
Literally everybody is playing it!

And then there's me.
Honestly, I'm not so much as a fan of Pokemon.

Well, at least I was not. But because my friends were talking about it, I went all like, "yeah why not?".
Then to get familiar with the franchise I started playing the old GameBoy versions on an emulator application on my phone like Pokemon: Fire Red Version, Pokemon: Sapphire, and Pokemon: Emerald just to name a few.

The Pokemon franchise has been around since the 90s and has been up and about ever since. It had it's own cartoons, video games and more...
Then when the Pokemon Go application came out for smartphones everywhere, all Pokemon fans rejoiced!
If you go out into the world today, you could see people everywhere, both young and old, running out and about everywhere just to "catch Pokemon".

The Pokemon system has always been the same since the beginning: go outside, explore different areas, catch wild Pokemon, train Pokemon, battle with Pokemon, level up, contest for gyms...I'm not sure whether there's anything more than this but yeah, that's what I can think of, for now.

Oh yeah! One thing I forgot to mention was the fact that Pokemon is short for Pocket Monsters. Haha!
That explains the whole concept of carrying your creatures anywhere, everywhere easily.

To hunt for Pokemon, one must have the essential tools for catching: the classic PokeBall!
Yes, that's right. A PokeBall is basically a ball-like capsule used to contain said creature and to claim it as one's own possession. Once caught, the player can then train the Pokemon to level up by using it in battles against other wild Pokemon (in older games) and against friends and other trainers.

Then there's the rivalry system. (I'm not gonna go any further into that. I'll let my other friends do the talking)
Where do you find wild Pokemon, you ask? Simple.
In older games, one would have to go out and walk around in tall grass just to wait for wild Pokemon to spawn. Then, you can either battle against it to level up your Pokemon, or catch it so you can add it to your arsenal of creatures.
A similar concept is used in the Pokemon Go application. Basically go outside, and wait for a wild Pokemon to spawn right in front of you. Then you throw a PokeBall and catch it.

Last time in older games, you would have a very limited amount of Balls for you to carry. The starter is always 5 empty one-time-use PokeBalls and depending on how much money you have, you could buy some. The maximum amount of Pokemon you can carry is 6 and only 6. No more than that!
Now, in Pokemon Go (of what I've heard), you have 250 PokeBalls to use and unlimited Pokemon to carry with you wherever you go. And instead of going into tall grass to search for wild Pokemon, you can now (actually) go outside and catch them.

But apparently, my phone can't download it. Why?
Pokemon Go is only compatible with v4.4 up to v6.0 Android phones.
And what version is mine? 4.3.
Brilliant.

Well, I am still new to this after all.
Back to my emulator!

I'm Sorry

To anyone and everyone.

I am sorry.
I'm sorry that I was ever here in the first place. I'm sorry that you had to deal with my bullsh*t. I'm sorry you had to witness such potential squandered. I'm sorry for everything. I am sorry.

To the teachers,
I'm sorry I sleep in class. I'm sorry I can't pay attention. I'm sorry I don't finish my homework on time. I'm sorry that I owed you lots of work since the beginning of the year. I'm sorry I don't practice my math. I'm sorry for the accidents that happened in the science lab back in form 2, especially when I broke the test tube. I'm sorry if spoke behind your back. I am sorry.

To my parents,
I am sorry. I'm sorry for not being the child you want me to be. I'm sorry for failing at my responsibility of being a student. I'm sorry for not doing my chores. I'm sorry for being forgetful at times. I'm sorry for my addiction toward the computer. I'm sorry for my "overreaction". I'm sorry for "talking back" at you. I'm sorry I'm such a burden (especially toward your finances). I'm sorry that I'm the cause of your frustration. I'm sorry for being bloody hell blatant disobedient. I'm sorry for being "screwed up". I'm sorry for being stupid. I'm sorry for all the little things I did that made you just wanted to scream "f*ck you" to my face. I'm sorry I lied. I'm sorry I stole. I'm sorry for the days I cursed you behind your backs. For all I know, God is watching. He shall judge me for this. I'm sorry I'm this one pathetic, hell of a kid who's not even worth being called "your son". As I know, I am nothing to be proud of...
I am sorry.

To my brother and sister,
I'm sorry I'm not the role model I'm supposed to be. (To my sister) I'm sorry I'm not as "mature" as you think, may not be as "responsible" as I'm supposed to be. I'm sorry for being an a**hole to you, for slapping you when I was angry, when I should've been more patient and tolerant toward your attitude. I am sorry.
(To my brother) I'm sorry for hurting you, and for scolding you unnecessarily. Yes, I know how it feels like to be shouted at for no reason. I shouldn't have done the same to you. I'm sorry I was angry at the both of you, for Jesus once said that even hating your brother was intention for murder (Matthew 5: 21-26) (1 John 3:15). I'm sorry. I shouldn't have killed you already, for intention was just as worse as action...

To my friends and acquaintances,
I am sorry for being weird. I'm sorry for not being there when you needed me. I'm sorry for being too loud. I'm sorry if annoy you, or if I have disappointed you in any way. If I've ever said anything to hurt your feelings. To those in my study group, I'm sorry for being that irresponsible a**hole who does nothing good other than sleeping in class and not being able to complete a group assignment together, for delaying an assignment just recently that we were supposed to hand in earlier...I'm sorry I'm so irresponsible. I am just dead weight; only meant to drag you. I'm sorry.
To my the rest of my friends, I'm sorry to those who are uncomfortable with physical contact. I shouldn't have touched you in the first place! I'm sorry for trying to be close to you when you actually meant for me to stay away from you. I'm sorry I'm a very ugly sight to behold. I'm sorry that you don't like me. I'm sorry you don't like my beatboxing. I'm sorry for those times you told me to shut up. I'm sorry for everything. I only wish for your wellbeing. I'm sorry.

But most of all, I am sorry for being myself.
I am very complacent. I'm not the type of student who would strive for success. I would rather be laid back and not give a damn about my exams. At the same time, I try my best to please and appease everyone by at least putting in little to some effort in my school work. I try. I try to change. I'm slowly, passively progressing, developing, but my mistakes will be as they are: they come and go. When they come, they are acknowledged. When they go, they are remembered. How about the good things about me? Well, nobody seems to care. After a long while, I have came to terms with myself and acknowledged the fact that I can't change myself entirely (yet), for it takes a lot of willpower to fight myself for a better change. I am who I am, and I'm sorry for that.

I'm sorry for being me.
I am sorry.

Freedom. Yay or Nay?

[To Miss Monica, I apologise for being unable to hand in my composition book with the latest essay in it. So allow me to post the essay here on blog form. I believe I owe you this.]

Question: Children these days are given too much freedom. Do you agree?          

        Freedom. What is freedom? Freedom, according to the English dictionary, is defined as solely the right to do anything you want without being controlled or restricted. Now the question is, are children these days given too much freedom or are they being restricted? I, for one, am not certain as to whether to agree or disagree to the statement that children in the present day are given too much freedom but I can say that there are various different views, opinions and facts regarding the said topic. If you were to ask me which side I stand on, I would say that I stand on neutral ground.

          Let us perceive it in this manner: there are many children all over the world out of the population of 7.4 billion people in existence today. Thus, we can find that children would experience freedom differently from one another depending on which part of the world they live in, what culture they fall under, their ethnicity, their religion, their financial and social status, and etcetera. Firstly, let us start with the children who do not have a lot of freedom. Under this category, there are a few types of children who experience this from the least to the most extreme cases such as from strict parents to child labor and slavery. Take North Korea for an example. They are brainwashing their children from an early age, since kindergarten, and enforcing ridiculously horrendous policies and doctrines upon them such as to worship the "Supreme Leader" (a.k.a Kim Jong-Un), do not question the government and so on. This leads to the deprivation of the freedom of speech. What if children and families in North Korea are skeptical? They are not even allowed to think! Speaking against the "Dear Leader" or the government (otherwise known as the regime) can end you up in prison. Also know that citizens of North Korea do not have access to any media or information, and yes, that means no internet. So, with that being said, do these children have a lot of freedom? No. They do not have freedom at all.

        Aside from government being one of the main factors, let's look at financial status. Poor children and families do not have much compared to rich families (we will get to that later). Children in poverty often struggle to be able to gain access to basic needs such as education, have very limited resources, no money and little food. Such an example is the children in Africa. Yes, you read that right. No matter how cliche it seems, it is very true that hunger still exists in Africa to the point where the children themselves don't get to eat! So, do these children get the freedom to choose what to eat? No, they don't. What about education? Majority of children in Africa do not get education. Some lack the means to afford it while the education system itself is corrupted. Do they get the freedom to learn anything they want? No, they do not. Thus, this leads to them being restricted to their own grounds, not being able to discover and learn many things.

     How about the children abducted and used as laborers, child soldiers and sex slaves? Do they have freedom? No, absolutely not. They are all subject to slavery. Child trafficking is one of the biggest of crimes against human, and more specifically, children's rights. Child trafficking's definition is: the illegal moving of children, typically for the purposes of forced labor or sexual exploitation. There are many cases of child trafficking from all over the world ranging from the United States to even our own country, Malaysia. The typical syndicate would first, after abducting the child would go to certain lengths to obtain the best of benefits they can get for themselves out of the child, which would mean unpleasant things happening to the child like shaving one's hair, amputating a limb or even surgically removing a child's organ to be sold in the black market, or simply using the child as a sex slave, a beggar, worker, or soldier is simply a crime in itself. Do these children have freedom? Not at all.

    Now let us discuss the least serious issue of children without freedom: strict parents. To my friends who are reading this essay at this point, you think you do not have freedom? Look at the world around you. You should be grateful you are not this unfortunate (as the children mention in paragraphs above). Even in saying this however, us children, and more typically, Asian children especially would cringe at the sound of parents. From what I know, or at least from my point of view (to which some or even most would agree on) is that our parents would tend to restrict us as much as possible. "Do your homework!", "Have you studied/Have you finished studying?", "No playing computer games!", "Go read a book, don't watch TV! Bad for your eyes", "Do your maths", "No going out. Stay at home and do chores", and so on and so forth. They keep on at it, nagging and lecturing us every single day, making sure we become the "ideal child" and keep up to their expectations and such. This so much to the extent that there are jokes and memes being made about your typical Asian parent who talks about getting A's for your exams and becoming a doctor, lawyer or an engineer. However, this is all because they love us and they want the best for us. Furthermore, children with strict parents often come out as more disciplined (or so I think). Do these children have freedom? Not entirely at an early stage but when they grow up, they get to think for themselves and use their freedom wisely.

     How about the children who do have freedom? What do we say about them? There are certain factors which contribute to children's freedom such as lenient parents, a modernised environment and community, of one which enforces children's rights and financially stable or wealthy families. Children who live in such conditions get the right to freedom, and the most, if not the best, out of everything. Let us take a look at the more modernised parts of the world. Examples are: the United States of America, the United Kingdom and Europe. These parts of the world share a few common traits: they have a good strong economy, upholds the law and children's rights. The law being kept there ensures that each child is protected and that crime against children is prevented. Do children here have freedom? Yes, they have the freedom of security.

     Children who have a family that is financially stable, or even wealthy, is certain to obtain the kind of freedom they want to have, such as eating out at an expensive dinner or buying gadgets ranging from a smartphone to a video game console, or getting more than enough pocket money for the whole month. You name it, they have it. All that they have is theirs. Children in financially stable families live a good comfortable life within their means while those in wealthier families reap more benefits.
They have the ability to afford basic needs such a good home, education, medical supplies and medication. Wealthier families also have all that plus everything they want to buy, which means more for them.

    This leads to the next point, lenient parents. Of course, not all wealthy families have lenient parents. Just most. Often you would imagine a rich parent saying to his/her child, "What do you want? I can buy this for you if you'd like", "Just name the item and I'll get it for you", "I can buy you anything you want" and anything that is similar. Wealthy families always have the money for anything and everything, especially for their children. Whenever they are in a tough situation, they can buy out of it. That is how children with wealthy families are raised. The parents themselves are not strict. So basically, they can do anything they want so long as the money is still there.

      However, some of these children tend to abuse their freedom whether or not they realise it. Often times there are children who take things for granted. Take for example the children mentioned in the above paragraph, the "rich kids". Some of these will be spoilt by their parents so much to the extent of having their minds shaped to think that they can get anything they want to have, and when they do get it, they will always ask for more. Besides that, some children with freedom will seek no sense of responsibility. They want to do whatever they want to do but they do not want to take responsibility of anything such as their responsibility to do the house chores, or to be responsible of a mistake made such as breaking the window while playing ball. They want a carefree life without being "burdened" or "controlled" with responsibility. This paragraph shows why such a question is posed towards the freedom of children and as to whether it is being too much.

      To conclude, I must say that I neither agree nor disagree that children are given too much freedom nowadays. It is true that we live in a modern era where a lot of freedom has been given to children and it is true that there are instances of children who abuse it. However, in some parts of the world you will see children with guns, children in chains, children in scars crying in pain. You will see children without freedom. So it all comes down to this: there is no such thing as too much or too little freedom. It is either they have freedom or they do not.

Birthdays (in response to Hans Lee Houng's post)

In this blog post, I'm going to refute the statements and claims my friend here has made regarding the said topic, which is on birthdays. hansleehoung.blogspot.my/2016/06/birthdays.html

Not everything has to be all doom and gloom...
To me (and to a vast majority), birthdays are a celebration. The day of your birth marks the beginning of your life. What I believe is that the first "present" that you have ever received is the first day you came into this world: the gift of life. The second gift you receive is the gift of family, then the gift of love and joy. Also, know that you are gift. You must have heard this phrase somewhere...

"Children are a gift from God".

Exactly. In the same way your family is a gift to you, you are a gift to your family!
Amazing, isn't it? (Or do I need to do more to convince you, o ye of much bitterness?)

Imagine this: what if you weren't born?
Without life, you wouldn't be sitting right here, in front of your computer/phone wasting your time on the internet...
Or even going to school and experiencing the joy of meeting with friends
Or even being able to have fun and play games
Or even having to witness the beauty of the world and the people all around you.

If you weren't born, you wouldn't be living your life the way you should. And that is how it should be.

(And to my friend, Lee Houng: if you weren't born, you wouldn't be able to make such post about birthdays being a complete bummer, or in other words, total bull****. If you weren't born, you wouldn't even be my friend...)

Life is a gift.
You are a gift.
And I appreciate you.

Thank God for such wonderful blessings. Amen.

The Truth.

What if life were a lie?
the biggest lie told.
By one father to the next
'till the whole human race was sold?

Could not the world be so cold

In this age of old

When will we be so bold

As to when the truth shall be told?

Unfortunate, as such

That we have lost so much.

How could we be so cold

'Till we have lost our touch?

Nevertheless, we will try our best

To fight the lies that separate

To instill the truth so we can break

and to fight the "love" that causes hate.

original

by Aaron J. Patrick

Feelings...

Ironically, the same people who taught you how to watch your words and make sure you don't hurt other people's feelings has hurt your feelings more and when the time comes when you can't hold it anymore, you retaliate. You try your best to express yourself but they laugh at you instead. You break down into tears and start shouting back. They continue to laugh and not give a damn...

Then they tell you should be "mature" and "control your emotions" and stuff like that. They shout at you for overreacting like that. When you have already been scarred, they cut you deeper. Well then, what's the matter? Didn't you tell me we should respect each other's feelings? That we should be cautious of what we say, lest we hurt them?

You know what I've learnt? 

That we should be nice to others, that we should respect others. That we should love others....to the extent of letting them hurt us.

You see, we live in a world where people only think for themselves and look after their own interests and ideals. Nobody cares about you. Nobody cares about your feelings. They only want you to care about them.

I have learnt that love is selfless. And that this life is not about ourselves. I know now that my life is meant for others be it to serve them or to let them throw insults and hurl sticks and stones toward me. Whether it is to love me or hurt me. It is not about me.

Besides, what I have learnt is this: that we should love others even when no one cares about you.

Double standards, much? Maybe. But get this, life is supposed to be unfair.

They don't understand

Parents won’t understand. Especially mine.
Whenever I feel like proving something to my parents when they scold or argue I would often say (or think) “It’s useless. It’s no use talking to them. They’ll never understand”

My parents are very much the perfectionist kind.
Or at least what I think.
They are very impatient, and whenever something doesn’t go their way they would scream, shout, rant and rave.

“You have two weeks (of holiday) please go and study so you are more ready for school.”
“Why are you not studying (revising)?”
“Did you do your maths/add maths?”
“Make full use of your time la. Plan”
“Stop playing your games please, or I will take away your (lists all the electronic gadgets and devices)”

Oh and these are my personal favourite:

“YOU DON’T DEFY US AH. When we tell you to stop you stop playing your games”
“SCREW YOU MAN. You’re wasting your life! You know where you are and you still want to do this to us *goes on and on**adds on about teacher calling parents and complaining**talks about laziness, attitude problem, etcetera”
“BLATANT DISOBEDIENT. You’re bloody hell (not sure if she actually said bloody hell but whatever) disobedient.”
and whatever that’s offensive and heartbreaking they can ever tell a son.

Recently, my mom asked me why wasn’t I studying and said stuff like those above.
Also asked me why I was wasting my time and such.

Firstly, I would like to say that I did make full use of my holiday. How? These two weeks, to me was an opportunity to recover!
Heck, I didn’t really care what anyone else was doing. Doing revision was a choice and I chose to do otherwise. Why? Well, many emphasize on the point that sleep is important. The reason why I sleep longer than usual this time was to get my quality rest. And heck, it sure felt like it worked out! I was so happy that I had two whole weeks of holiday because all I wanted to do was just rest and recover from school.

WHY WAS I WASTING MY TIME ON THE INTERNET AND PLAYING GAMES INSTEAD OF DOING REVISION?
Let’s just say, I was very frustrated at school and stuff. And to have such a good long solid break was the opportunity to recover. Let me tell you this, who doesn’t want to be happy, right? I sought happiness in my games and in my music, although it was just ephemeral euphoria, I can finally feel this sense of relief....for now.

Is it wrong that I just wanted to recover from all the bull**** that I gone through just to complete tasks and assignments and to sit for exams? No, I have to be “productive” and “diligent” and become the “perfect son/student” so I can have doors of opportunity fly open by the time I need it? Well, I see a door of opportunity now so why not go through this door to rest and relax during this two weeks to reset my mood in order to go to school without the feeling of dread or stress?

Do you know the reason why kids out there are suffering from depression, because they lack sufficient euphoria. They lack Happiness. They never got the chance to sit down and cool off and to enjoy the things they can for the moment before going off to school because why? Their parents wanted them to sit their butt down and study. Seriously, then how are they going to be motivated for school if all they ever do is eat their vegetables but never had a taste of desert? (Note that not everyone feels like this, I just find it like that and some of y’all may relate, but others may not so yeah...and yes, I just made up my own proverb) Seriously, how am I suppose to feel motivated when I constantly get demotivated and lack incentive? I found this whole break was an incentive, even if I had to do it behind my parents’ backs, or in other words, “DEFY” them.

Of course, all of this is just opinion. I’m not saying that being productive during the holiday is not good. If you feel ambitious and you really wanna do it, then go for it. But if you’re like me, and you feel like you lack “me time”, it would be great to use this time of rest to rest to the max and get yourself in the right mood before going to school. That is if you so choose. And that’s what I chose to do. To empty my mind so I can fill it up again.

All this I would’ve told my parents. But nah, it’s useless. No use talking to them. They won’t understand anyway. No matter how many times I keep getting scoldings, naggings and whatnot from them, I still chose to “DEFY” them. Hahahahahahah

“THIS IS WHAT I CALL BLATANT DISOBEDIENT”

You do know there’s this one universal joke that has been going around (especially with us younger gens) about Asian parents being perfectionists and all the sort, right?
Stuff revolving around themes like, “If you don’t get an A for your test, you bring dishonor to your family”
or even “....they’ll disown you”
and of the sort. (You can find them here:http://www.jokes4us.com/ethnicjokes/asianparentsjokes.html)

My parents....hahaha you sure you wanna see BLATANT DISOBEDIENCE?
Look at those youngsters who are drug addicts and who are gangsters and do all sorts of crap. I am not like them. I have a family, I have a home, I have “stern” parents to guide me like you so I don’t get as messed up as them. But no, what do I get? “For refusing to switch off the computer late at night, I crown thee with the title BLOODY HELL BLATANT DISOBEDIENT”

If I was so much as hell disobedient, I would’ve ran away long time ago, taken drugs, joined a gang, had premarital sex and the list continues...

But no, why? Because I was loyal and I still am. I am an obedient and loving son who loves you and respects you, heeds your advice and pays attention to your instruction, yet I blocked you from seeing this post because why? I feel that it is better not to engage in an arguement where both points of view are in conflict and where this ends up in a pointless heated debate and discussion of whether I am worthy enough to use any of the said electronic devices. In other words, you are entitled to your opinion and view of the world and I have to listen to it.

In other words, it’s useless. No use talking to you (my parents) because you won’t understand. Maybe you would but you would force me to become what you expect me to be because you really want the “perfect son”.

Maybe you don’t love me. Maybe you love my grades more. That’s why you want me to study hard and be diligent and all, so I can get good grades otherwise you wouldn’t be as kind to me, right? Maybe you don’t love me. You love the idea of me. Because when you see me doing something of which you deem unbeneficial, or any small “imperfection” of the sort you “disown” me, and throw words of contempt in my face like I am not one with feelings. (Now before you flood the comments or anything I know my parents love me and want the best for me....or do they?)

All those things you said about me, my studies, my behavior and attitude, and etcetera I could’ve said the same about you. You can try to imagine your own son coming up to you and saying “Mom, Dad. You’re bad at parenting” and giving you a lecture. But meh, like I said, it’s useless to talk to you.

I care about you, respect you and love you as you are. I forgave the many times you hurt me physically and emotionally, scarred me with words that are hard to forget. I accepted you. And I what did I get? “You’re so bloody hell disobedient.” “SCREW YOU MAN” “Sometimes I wonder ah...” “You always....” “You never...”

Now, I’m not trying to sound selfish, it’s just kinda frustrating to go through all this and be myself and get shit thrown at me like that. But hey, in the end, it’s never about myself, isn’t it? That’s why I always think “I’m bound to the will of my parents”(or something like that). So, I’m never actually “free”, or maybe it’s just me? What do I get out of this? Challenges. I’m not expecting your kindness anymore, Mom and Dad. I left it far behind but I will be kind enough to show how much I love you by letting you throw sticks and stones into my soul so you can weigh it down for me.

And the challenges? To prove myself worthy and exceed those expectations of Asian parents who wants to gain glory and greatness. To show and tell everyone that “Hey! This is my son!” without having to look at him with contempt due to his exams.

I wanna end this thing on a note:
MY GRADES DON’T DEFINE ME.

I’m not a bum, I’m not stupid and no, I’m not blatantly disobedient.

I would tell you all this....but no, what do you care?
It’s useless.
You won’t understand.

You won’t listen to me. You’ll only listen to my grades.
And one day, when I get them
It’ll make you shut up, take back your words, rejoice but only for the moment.
Ephemeral euphoria. Temporal happiness.

After that, the cycle repeats itself until after I get my degree and my job.

Useless.
Utterly useless.
You won’t even listen to me.

You won’t understand.

The "WOW" factor (overdue) [8/5/2016]

The "wow" factor.
Basically, anything that could make you go "WOW!"
Something that makes you feel impressed regarding that certain something.
It can be anything.

For example:
- A good game
- A very good joke
- A poem
- A book (with a good story, that is)
- A movie

The list goes on...
What I have found in a wow factor is music.
The ability to express ourselves through music is brilliant.

You play however you want, however you feel.
Music is what expresses life, emotion and meaning.
This is what makes me go "wow".
I stand in wonder and awe of this beautiful thing.

Emotions (overdue) [Free post as of 1/5/2016]

This is my perspective, my philosophy on emotions.

What is emotion?
It is not just mere "feeling"
But what makes you feel what you're feeling.

Motion is the ability to move
Emotion however, it the ability to be moved.

Emotion is the consequence of an action that makes us feel what we do.
It is the after-effect of an event that we have experienced.

Where life gives us pleasure, pressure or pain, it drives us to react to it and makes us feel either happy, frustrated or sad (or any emotion whatsoever) according to such said events.
Life tends to hold us in its hands like we are an orange ready to be squeezed.
With the right amount of force applied to the orange, it's contents will spill out. Same with our emotions. When we are squeezed, what comes out is on the inside.

Our pressures in life often leads us to feel frustration, stress and even depression.
Our pleasures in life, however, would make us feel happy, joyful, grateful, appreciative, appreciated

And all of these emotions, they make us feel
ALIVE.

The Rhyme of A Troubled Student (24/4/2016)

I was struggling at school

With homework piles getting bigger.

I was struggling to breathe,

The air was getting thinner.

The teachers complained,

even though I'm a beginner 

My dad looked at me 

like I just murdered someone; a killer.

He said, they said
Everybody said:
"To be in first class, your things need to be clearer"

My dad told me that there are a few options that I should consider.
But no, I'm not gonna give this one up

No, I'm not a quitter.

Yes, I know what I did in the past
Yea, I'm a sinner.
But I prayed to the Lord,

and told myself that one day

I'll be a winner.
~by: Aaron J. Patrick

[P.s: To Miss Monica: sorry for this (free) blog post which was overdue for last Sunday. I hope this makes up for it. I even put last Sunday's date on it.] 

The Freedom Writers

Question: Describe how writing in journals helps transform the lives of the students. How does writing “free” the students from their pain?​

The journals given to the students' by the teacher Miss Erin Gruwell help transformed their lives by being able to express themselves freely without being judged whether it is personal thoughts or experiences such as being abused, seeing their friends die, and being evicted.
This journal is their personal space where they get to open themselves up freely and expose themselves for who they are, thus, being able to release their pain instead of hiding and segregating themselves which may lead to worse things.
To conclude, the journals helped them to express themselves better, build a form of understanding between each other as well as a bond, and therefore, breaking the boundaries of racism and discrimination. This is how the journals helped to transform the lives of the students.

[Assignment] New friends...

This week's blog post assignment is talking about our new friends in class, at school.
Honestly, I have nothing much to say about them, since it has only been a short period of time since they first stepped foot into this class.

But hey! One thing's for sure, they are very nice people.

There are two of them:
Ann Jyrr and Haqim.

Ann Jyrr:
She's often quiet but she's friendly when you engage her in a conversation.
In class, she has shown herself to be quite the ideal student.
She pays attention in class, completes her assignments on time and gets good grades for her exam.

Haqim:
Haqim, on the other hand, is rather a whole lot different in comparison to Ann Jyrr.
He is really friendly, is talkative and open to a lot of topics when engaged in a conversation (which sometimes includes jokes and utter nonsense. No offence).  In class however, he is not as much as "perfect" when it comes to academic performance, but don't worry, no one is. To me, he is alright.

This is just my first impression of these two new friends of mine.
I hope to get to know the both of you better soon.

[Assignment] The word "to walk"...

I was roaming in the darkness, searching for answers. Up and down I paced, thinking about the things that troubled me, contemplating my life before me. After all that time searching, and when I still have not found anything, I became weary. So, I plodded up the stairs slowly, with deep sighs of exhaustion, longing for a rest I ever truly desired. I looked up and there before me stood the doorway to my bedroom; the escape from this harsh reality, my salvation. Eagerly, I marched toward that door and opened it. As I stepped in, I felt tranquility. I heard a voice saying, "Come, my child. Rest in me!". It was Sleep, and I could hear her calling. Attracted by her call, I slowly gaited toward my bed, and slumped right into it. I was at rest, at peace, free of all thought and worry.

Earth Day (Exercise 1: Question 5)

When is Earth Day celebrated? In paying homage to Mother Earth, how do we preserve the sanctity of Earth against pollution and destruction?
Earth Day is celebrated annually on April 22.
The purpose for this day is to celebrate and honour our planet Earth, so as to furthermore appreciate the beauty of nature and the environment that God has blessed us with...

In paying homage to Mother Earth, we can preserve the sanctity of Earth against pollution and destruction by:

1. Getting educated
Learn more about the environment. Read articles to get up to date with current issues affecting the environment, like pollution, water shortages and climate change. Understand how climate change works, look into urban environmental issues such as contaminated drinking water and energy conservation, and take note of local wildlife that may be under the threat of extinction.

2. Plant Trees
Planting trees is a popular earth day activity. Trees help to reduce greenhouse gas emissions, clean pollution, secure soil in place to prevent erosion and provide homes for many insects, birds, and other animals. There's almost no more important, long-lasting act you can do to celebrate Earth Day.

3. Reduce, Reuse, and Recycle
Reduce the amount of items that come in unnecessary big amounts of packaging. This way, you'll be able to reduce the amount of waste that needs to be disposed of. Reuse things that can be reused like plastic bottles and containers for things like arts and crafts projects or simply using them as utensils to hold objects like a pencil holder, or simply to contain water. Last but not least, recycle.
Recycling is one means of ensuring that the items we've finished using gets returned to the resources pool and either get turned into something else or is cleansed and reused. It helps to conserve raw materials and often helps to save additional energy that manufacturers would otherwise use in producing new products from scratch. Recycling also reduces the amount of material going into landfills, which is a huge bonus as many countries are running out of space for landfill. In addition, recycling can lessen pollution involved in waste disposal and reducing the consumption of raw materials helps to conserve our natural resources.

Change

Today, I vowed that I make a change.
That I'll stop complaining and stop worrying.
Instead, I'll praise and remember the good things God has done for me, and instead of worrying, pray for everything. I told myself, "nothing is gonna change until you make a change".

So from now onwards, I'll make sacrifices and improvements. I'll make a change.
Set an example for others, and continue to grow.

Continue to walk in the way He has set for me.
Because I believe that we all have a purpose set out for us.
Now, it is time for me to achieve that.

This is my resolution.

Self-Doubt

......useless.
Stupid.

Worthless.
What a waste of time....

No matter how many times I try, things just don't seem right.
What is this?

I think and plan, over and over again but end up procrastinating, end up worrying more over something that could've been done hours, days or even weeks ago.
I'm worried of my capability to do things...

But hopefully, things will be better.
Besides, they say "change starts with the self", am I right?
Then I'll just have to start.

But what if things go wrong again? 

Dear Mom and Dad...

Dear mom and dad,
I know you want the best for me and all....

But can you please just STOP IT!?

I am 15 (turning 16 this year) and I'm already in this stage of life where I am conscious of my responsibilities and priorities as a student.

Yes, so what if I relax (or in your words, laze around) for a a few minutes up to an hour or two?
So what if I study with music? So what if I tend to "waste my time" trying to give it a break by just doing anything I like for the sake of de-stressing myself?
I know you want the best for me, and I assure you that all is going to be okay.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO NAG AT ME.
I'm fine, really. I know I have homework, so don't remind me, it's MY priority, MY responsibility. Not yours. Don't give me all that lecture about laziness, hard work, time management and all of the sort. If there is work that needs to be done, I assure you, it is done.
Besides, it is not really the end of the world if I don't do anything.

All of what you do, mom and dad, the shouting, the screaming, the complaining, the nagging, lectures...verily, I say to you:
I'm sorry but they are NOT helping.

I know you want what's best for me but clearly, all that you are doing now feels like you are just making the situation worse.

I have different ways of handling things.
Last year, I have slacked a lot during my days in school, before I sat for PT3...but, there was effort.
And I managed to pull it off with a good result. (Of course, I couldn't have done it if it wasn't for the both of you too...)

But the joy was just temporary.
Don't you see mom and dad?
You knew what I was capable of, you helped me through it, yes.
But I was the one who made the effort, and close to one or two months before that very day of the exam, I started to gain consciousness of myself. "What am I doing?"
I started to rebuild myself.
And I did it. But you still complain of all the little things I do. "Stop being lazy", "Have you finished your homework?", "Go study" "Don't listen to music while you're studying", "Stop playing with your computer", "Oi, SPM coming already", "This is no honeymoon year", etc, etc...

I'm getting sick of it.
It's of no use. Everything seems to be demotivating me, annoying me, irritating me.

I KNOW, I KNOW, I KNOW
LEAVE ME ALONE.
You want me to do my homework? Sure, I'll do it.
You want me to study? To do my revision? Sure. Of course I'll do it!
But please, grant me at least some freedom to do things my own way, for once,
and not hear of your petty lectures and complaints....

But know this, just because you don't see me studying or revising doesn't mean I'm entirely lazy.
Whenever I need to rest, I shall rest. For I too, have my own struggles, and when I feel overwhelmed, I take a break. I am a human being. NOT A ROBOT. 

With all due respect, mom and dad, I love you. Thank you so much for helping me earlier on but I have just one small request.
If you want to help me now, do it with words of encouragement, motivation and with smiles and hugs.
No nagging.
Please?

Some of you reading this may think, "Have you no respect for your elders?"
Yes I know. There is a saying: "They have eaten more salt than you have eaten rice"
Basically means that your elders have more experience than you.
True. But things change.
Generation gap much?

Valentine's Day (again)

This time, my English teacher wants an original blog post regarding our own thoughts/opinions on Valentine's Day. Not something we can copy off the internet. So here goes...

Valentine's Day. What is it? It is a day of many things. It starts off as a day to commemorate the saints that were martyred for the sake of love, all by the name of Valentine. It was because of these saints, these heroes that stood up for love, that many began to celebrate this day.

Valentine's Day. This is also the day where we show our love for others:
Our family, our friends, our neighbours and others all around us.

These saints, these martyrs, have all inspired us to live up to the name of love.
To live for it, to die for it. To stand for it, to stand with it.
To stand firm in it.
We are love, brothers and sisters.

Verily, I shall say to you, that it is not only on this particular day that we celebrate our love.
For everyday should be a Valentine's Day!

What is Love?

What is it?
What is this thing we call "Love"?

We can hardly ever comprehend.
However, although we are not too sure of what it actually is, we do know how it works, what it gives us, and what it could mean.

Some say love is a feeling, others would say it is actions.
Well, I say...

Love is who we are. It is in us, in our very nature. It is in our every thought and emotion, in our actions and in the words we speak.
Everything we do, we do it for love.
Love is a force of nature that drive us on, a motivation and a source of inspiration. Love is what we do that benefits the things and the people around us.

Love is affection, love is appreciation.
Love is not blind, like that petty thing called "infatuation"
But it is seeing and accepting, and helps us to grow with each other.

Love is strength, love is unity.
Love is what binds us together, so that we may never be separated.
Love never fails!

Love is in everything.
and love, starts with you!
_________________________________________________________________________________

P.S: I would like to add on with one of my favourite bible verses:

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 

It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 

It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away."
~ 

1 Corinthians 13:4-8 NIV

Valentine's Day

Source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Valentine%27s_Day

Valentine's Day, also called Saint Valentine's Day or the Feast of Saint Valentine, is an annual holiday celebrated on February 14. It originated as a Western Christian liturgical feast day honoring one or more early saints named Valentinus, and is recognized as a significant cultural and commercial celebration in many regions around the world, although it is not a public holiday in any country.

Several martyrdom stories associated with the various Valentines that were connected to February 14 were added to later martyrologies, including a popular hagiographical account of Saint Valentine of Rome which indicated he was imprisoned for performing weddings for soldiers who were forbidden to marry and for ministering to Christians, who were persecuted under the Roman Empire. According to legend, during his imprisonment, Saint Valentine healed the daughter of his jailer, Asterius, and before his execution, he wrote her a letter signed "Your Valentine" as a farewell.

The day first became associated with romantic love within the circle of Geoffrey Chaucer in the 14th century, when the tradition of courtly love flourished. In 18th-century England, it evolved into an occasion in which lovers expressed their love for each other by presenting flowers, offering confectionery, and sending greeting cards (known as "valentines"). In Europe, Saint Valentine's Keys are given to lovers "as a romantic symbol and an invitation to unlock the giver’s heart", as well as to children, in order to ward off epilepsy(called Saint Valentine's Malady). Valentine's Day symbols that are used today include the heart-shaped outline, doves, and the figure of the winged Cupid. Since the 19th century, handwritten valentines have given way to mass-produced greeting cards.

Saint Valentine's Day is an official feast day in the Anglican Communion, as well as in the Lutheran Church. Many parts of the Eastern Orthodox Church also celebrate Saint Valentine's Day, albeit on July 6 and July 30, the former date in honor of the Roman presbyter Saint Valentine, and the latter date in honor of Hieromartyr Valentine, the Bishop of Interamna (mordern Terni).

Love (an original poem)

Love is like red wine
a beverage cool, and sweet;
Love is like sweet perfume
Its scent ever so fragrant.

Oh how I wish to drink of your love,
How I wish to smell the sweet scent
of your fragrance.
For your love is ever so refreshing, my dear.
Your love, ever so fragrant.

Your love is my source of inspiration.
A light to guide my path.
Wherever I go, you are there
To lead me on.

Though I can't walk
a thousand miles for you,
Yet you've danced forever in my mind.
Oh how I long to dance with you, my dear.

Oh how I long for these
precious moments,
How I long to be with you,
my true love.
Oh  how I long, to love you.

- Aaron J. Patrick

Restless (an original poem)

O sleep, where hath thou gone to? O rest, where hath thou been? For in times like this, we struggle. In times like this we confide in thee, our most gracious consoler.

But what is this, when tasks we need complete, and there is simply no time? No time, for thee, our confidant, our consoler? No time for rest, where work is necessary.

What happened to "sleep is important"? What happened to "make sure you rest"? For in these times we need to prove That we must do our very best.

No time for sleep, or for play. For work is necessary at the end of the day. By day and by night, we soldiers take flight Fighting to survive 'til the midnight.

No time to sleep, or to rest. Just to prove we did our best. "Don't be lazy" "Do your work" For that is how thou shalt work. -Aaron J. Patrick