Learning to Love (original poem)

Doors have been opened
where doors have been closed
Tables have turned
This passion burns
A desire to learn
How to live.

If to live is to love
and to love is to give,
shouldn't this be all
in the life that we live?

If to live is to love
and to love is to learn.
Isn't this how knowledge
should be earned?

To be good, to be kind
To be strong, to be wise
not to simply
"just do and die"

But if to live is to learn
that is to learn how to love
then how amazing this love can be.
With life there is love
and with love there is life.
It'll certainly make you feel
more alive, again.

~by Aaron J. Patrick

Conflict (I'm not sorry)

There's motivation.
And then there's motive.

How one differs from the other kind of intrigues me...
I have experience in the art of procrastination.
Not that it was done voluntarily (the reader might think this is utter bullsh*t and would do anything to give me a tight slap on the face). But yea, I have been living (or, more appropriately I would say, existing) for about 15 years 7 months and 19 days. And within this whole current life span of 15+ years, the one and only thing I have been doing throughout is the same darn routine every day, every week, every month, every year, every time, with of course some minor changes here and there....

And the routine? Wake up early, get ready, go to school, get homework, get more homework, get yelled at, go home, eat meals, rest, do homework, go to bed, repeat. Then the list grows with time with more subjects to handle, chores to do, more chores to do, a growing responsibility, and more.

Then comes this time (and certain others) where you stop to think: what is this? Why are we here? Why am I here? What am I doing? What is the meaning of life? What is my purpose in life? What exactly am I doing? And you'll think stuff like death, life on earth, life after death (and the possibility of it), the end of the world, the destruction of the planet, etcetera etcetera...

Then comes the next phase of it: meaninglessness.
I felt, what was the point of going through all of this bullsh*t when we are just gonna die anyway?
"Meaningless, utterly meaningless."

Complacency and procrastination are up next on the phase list.
Everyone, teachers and friends alike (including myself, on the inside), is fed up with me. Frustrated. Annoyed. Infuriated. Exasperated.
You name it, they were all the more enraged. They felt it like that. Me? I was just plain sad.
I know that at the moment, my studies (homework and revision alike, education in general) are my top priority and responsibility. But no, what do I treat it as? Side trash. Just extra random papers and books that I have to carry on my back for the remainder of these 2 years (now just 1 year and 2 months) of which I barely even touch (well actually I do, with very little effort). However, this big bag and the textbooks I carry on my hand will remind me of the responsibility I have as a student, and the honour I have to bring to my family (my parents especially). My teachers, my parents, and a friend of mine (who stood representative for the group of friends we had) all gave me the wake up call. They ranted, they nagged, they shouted, scolded...and it seems to be working. At least it had. My cousin gave me inspiration, my aunt gave me advice, my uncle, incentive and that friend of mine? Motivation.

She told me that they that whatever I thought about myself was wrong. Just because I said sorry doesn't mean I mean it...yet. She told me how my friends got fed up of even looking at me. I slept in class most of the time, my homework is scarce and I had been quite the irresponsible one in group projects, which made me seem a little untrustworthy. She told me it was alright, they still saw me as a friend; nobody hates me. But my actions are the matter that only makes matters worse, that of which irritated them. Her point was, if I'm really sorry, I should show it by making some effort. They know I'm trying, but needless to say, they still don't see it. She refuted my statement that "I cannot change anything about myself" by telling me that it was just plain crap and that I do have the power to just change myself, if I so choose...

It was really uplifting to see how many people in your life support you throughout your journey. But no matter how much motivation you get, the one thing that you need to change, is your motive.
I have a lot of motivation, really. Also, I'm pretty determined that I can make it further in this life. But I know there are things that I lack and things that I need to get rid of.
I lack perseverance. I can't even be disciplined enough to stick my butt to a chair at a table and do revision for an hour. No, I don't have it at all. I need to get rid of my complacency. Just the thought of being "good enough" will not get me far. Hopefully, I will set my mind on greater things so I can achieve more. I also have to deal away with my procrastination. Set my priorities straight this time.
My motive? Just to go with the flow, is it? Or to just leave things as it is? Or maybe I don't have a motive? Maybe that's why some things are so demotivating.

So now after this, things MUST change. I need to move on and fight harder this time. Most importantly, fight myself to overcome this stupid behaviour so I can bring honour to my family. And to live a better life.

I'm sorry I'm lazy. I'm sorry I'm stupid. I'm sorry I'm irresponsible, untrustworthy, and a sucker for sleeping in class. But hey, like you said Lynn, maybe I'm not sorry.
So now I shall say, I'm not sorry.
I'm not sorry at all. I'm no longer sorry. You have every right to be angry at me. But I will do my best to change, no matter how little it may seem. My changes may seem negligible to your naked eye but as time progresses I will build myself, little by little. I have my right to be me. Yes, I am lazy. I can be irresponsible. And needless to say, I am annoying. But bear with me. This will all come to pass soon.

And hopefully, though my words and actions may come to conflict or contradict each other (like how my motive and motivations do) I hope that this may not be another one of those empty, false promises I have made.

I'm not sorry.
.
.
.
.

.

.

(but as long as we are friends, we should do what we can to help each other out, alright?)

Colours

                Colours are important. They are what brings life its significance. There are many colours in this world that we can see, of which have meaning and of which we can relate to. There are colours that describe our environment: it's nature and its characteristics. For example, like green is for grass and leaves on trees while the tree trunks and branches themselves are brown. The sky is blue and the waters too. Colours also paint our emotions; they describe them. Red is for anger, pain and passion, blue for calmness and sadness. Green for envy and disgust  and yellow for happiness.
These colours are what breathes life into our surroundings.

       Colours are very important because they too can predict a certain value toward anything: object or person alike. A person wearing a blue uniform can be of authority such as a policeman , or purple robes to show royalty such as a king. The king's possessions such as his crown and his ring are gold to show that his treasures is priceless, the china he uses for meals are silver also to show that they are pure valuable utensils fit for use during the feast of the king! The soldiers in an army wear green to show that they fight to defend their land, and the firefighters wear red and orange to show that they are a worthy opponent for the flames of which their colours have been worn upon themselves. With all these being said, colours are what brings identity and status to the things and people around us.

      It is a blessing to have such wonderful colours to behold in our daily lives. As I have stated in the previous paragraphs, it is what brings life its meaning, value and significance. However, there are people who are sadly very unfortunate to not be able to behold the beauty in the world, such as the colour-blind or those who are actually blind. Therefore, we should thank God that He gave us such wonderful gifts, and that we are able to see His glory reign throughout the Earth.

    Colours are often used in idoms. Examples of idioms are "beet red", "black and blue", "golden opportunity", "the green light", "green with envy" and many more. All are used to describe emotion, physical state, characteristics and etcetera...

[TO BE CONTINUED]

(ps: to Miss Monica, sorry that I have kept you waiting but I really don't have any idea on what else to type for this blog post...I'm just going to stop here and let you grade the content first, since you need it for our Ujian 2 marks. I don't think it would be much but I think I had done my best)

The Pokemon Craze

[For those who don't know: it's pronounced Po-kie-mon, otherwise Po-kay-mon]

So...Pokemon Go has been released in Malaysia for more than a week ago.
My friends talk about it, some adults talk about it
Literally everybody is playing it!

And then there's me.
Honestly, I'm not so much as a fan of Pokemon.

Well, at least I was not. But because my friends were talking about it, I went all like, "yeah why not?".
Then to get familiar with the franchise I started playing the old GameBoy versions on an emulator application on my phone like Pokemon: Fire Red Version, Pokemon: Sapphire, and Pokemon: Emerald just to name a few.

The Pokemon franchise has been around since the 90s and has been up and about ever since. It had it's own cartoons, video games and more...
Then when the Pokemon Go application came out for smartphones everywhere, all Pokemon fans rejoiced!
If you go out into the world today, you could see people everywhere, both young and old, running out and about everywhere just to "catch Pokemon".

The Pokemon system has always been the same since the beginning: go outside, explore different areas, catch wild Pokemon, train Pokemon, battle with Pokemon, level up, contest for gyms...I'm not sure whether there's anything more than this but yeah, that's what I can think of, for now.

Oh yeah! One thing I forgot to mention was the fact that Pokemon is short for Pocket Monsters. Haha!
That explains the whole concept of carrying your creatures anywhere, everywhere easily.

To hunt for Pokemon, one must have the essential tools for catching: the classic PokeBall!
Yes, that's right. A PokeBall is basically a ball-like capsule used to contain said creature and to claim it as one's own possession. Once caught, the player can then train the Pokemon to level up by using it in battles against other wild Pokemon (in older games) and against friends and other trainers.

Then there's the rivalry system. (I'm not gonna go any further into that. I'll let my other friends do the talking)
Where do you find wild Pokemon, you ask? Simple.
In older games, one would have to go out and walk around in tall grass just to wait for wild Pokemon to spawn. Then, you can either battle against it to level up your Pokemon, or catch it so you can add it to your arsenal of creatures.
A similar concept is used in the Pokemon Go application. Basically go outside, and wait for a wild Pokemon to spawn right in front of you. Then you throw a PokeBall and catch it.

Last time in older games, you would have a very limited amount of Balls for you to carry. The starter is always 5 empty one-time-use PokeBalls and depending on how much money you have, you could buy some. The maximum amount of Pokemon you can carry is 6 and only 6. No more than that!
Now, in Pokemon Go (of what I've heard), you have 250 PokeBalls to use and unlimited Pokemon to carry with you wherever you go. And instead of going into tall grass to search for wild Pokemon, you can now (actually) go outside and catch them.

But apparently, my phone can't download it. Why?
Pokemon Go is only compatible with v4.4 up to v6.0 Android phones.
And what version is mine? 4.3.
Brilliant.

Well, I am still new to this after all.
Back to my emulator!