Birthdays (in response to Hans Lee Houng's post)

In this blog post, I'm going to refute the statements and claims my friend here has made regarding the said topic, which is on birthdays. hansleehoung.blogspot.my/2016/06/birthdays.html

Not everything has to be all doom and gloom...
To me (and to a vast majority), birthdays are a celebration. The day of your birth marks the beginning of your life. What I believe is that the first "present" that you have ever received is the first day you came into this world: the gift of life. The second gift you receive is the gift of family, then the gift of love and joy. Also, know that you are gift. You must have heard this phrase somewhere...

"Children are a gift from God".

Exactly. In the same way your family is a gift to you, you are a gift to your family!
Amazing, isn't it? (Or do I need to do more to convince you, o ye of much bitterness?)

Imagine this: what if you weren't born?
Without life, you wouldn't be sitting right here, in front of your computer/phone wasting your time on the internet...
Or even going to school and experiencing the joy of meeting with friends
Or even being able to have fun and play games
Or even having to witness the beauty of the world and the people all around you.

If you weren't born, you wouldn't be living your life the way you should. And that is how it should be.

(And to my friend, Lee Houng: if you weren't born, you wouldn't be able to make such post about birthdays being a complete bummer, or in other words, total bull****. If you weren't born, you wouldn't even be my friend...)

Life is a gift.
You are a gift.
And I appreciate you.

Thank God for such wonderful blessings. Amen.

The Truth.

What if life were a lie?
the biggest lie told.
By one father to the next
'till the whole human race was sold?

Could not the world be so cold

In this age of old

When will we be so bold

As to when the truth shall be told?

Unfortunate, as such

That we have lost so much.

How could we be so cold

'Till we have lost our touch?

Nevertheless, we will try our best

To fight the lies that separate

To instill the truth so we can break

and to fight the "love" that causes hate.

original

by Aaron J. Patrick

Feelings...

Ironically, the same people who taught you how to watch your words and make sure you don't hurt other people's feelings has hurt your feelings more and when the time comes when you can't hold it anymore, you retaliate. You try your best to express yourself but they laugh at you instead. You break down into tears and start shouting back. They continue to laugh and not give a damn...

Then they tell you should be "mature" and "control your emotions" and stuff like that. They shout at you for overreacting like that. When you have already been scarred, they cut you deeper. Well then, what's the matter? Didn't you tell me we should respect each other's feelings? That we should be cautious of what we say, lest we hurt them?

You know what I've learnt? 

That we should be nice to others, that we should respect others. That we should love others....to the extent of letting them hurt us.

You see, we live in a world where people only think for themselves and look after their own interests and ideals. Nobody cares about you. Nobody cares about your feelings. They only want you to care about them.

I have learnt that love is selfless. And that this life is not about ourselves. I know now that my life is meant for others be it to serve them or to let them throw insults and hurl sticks and stones toward me. Whether it is to love me or hurt me. It is not about me.

Besides, what I have learnt is this: that we should love others even when no one cares about you.

Double standards, much? Maybe. But get this, life is supposed to be unfair.

They don't understand

Parents won’t understand. Especially mine.
Whenever I feel like proving something to my parents when they scold or argue I would often say (or think) “It’s useless. It’s no use talking to them. They’ll never understand”

My parents are very much the perfectionist kind.
Or at least what I think.
They are very impatient, and whenever something doesn’t go their way they would scream, shout, rant and rave.

“You have two weeks (of holiday) please go and study so you are more ready for school.”
“Why are you not studying (revising)?”
“Did you do your maths/add maths?”
“Make full use of your time la. Plan”
“Stop playing your games please, or I will take away your (lists all the electronic gadgets and devices)”

Oh and these are my personal favourite:

“YOU DON’T DEFY US AH. When we tell you to stop you stop playing your games”
“SCREW YOU MAN. You’re wasting your life! You know where you are and you still want to do this to us *goes on and on**adds on about teacher calling parents and complaining**talks about laziness, attitude problem, etcetera”
“BLATANT DISOBEDIENT. You’re bloody hell (not sure if she actually said bloody hell but whatever) disobedient.”
and whatever that’s offensive and heartbreaking they can ever tell a son.

Recently, my mom asked me why wasn’t I studying and said stuff like those above.
Also asked me why I was wasting my time and such.

Firstly, I would like to say that I did make full use of my holiday. How? These two weeks, to me was an opportunity to recover!
Heck, I didn’t really care what anyone else was doing. Doing revision was a choice and I chose to do otherwise. Why? Well, many emphasize on the point that sleep is important. The reason why I sleep longer than usual this time was to get my quality rest. And heck, it sure felt like it worked out! I was so happy that I had two whole weeks of holiday because all I wanted to do was just rest and recover from school.

WHY WAS I WASTING MY TIME ON THE INTERNET AND PLAYING GAMES INSTEAD OF DOING REVISION?
Let’s just say, I was very frustrated at school and stuff. And to have such a good long solid break was the opportunity to recover. Let me tell you this, who doesn’t want to be happy, right? I sought happiness in my games and in my music, although it was just ephemeral euphoria, I can finally feel this sense of relief....for now.

Is it wrong that I just wanted to recover from all the bull**** that I gone through just to complete tasks and assignments and to sit for exams? No, I have to be “productive” and “diligent” and become the “perfect son/student” so I can have doors of opportunity fly open by the time I need it? Well, I see a door of opportunity now so why not go through this door to rest and relax during this two weeks to reset my mood in order to go to school without the feeling of dread or stress?

Do you know the reason why kids out there are suffering from depression, because they lack sufficient euphoria. They lack Happiness. They never got the chance to sit down and cool off and to enjoy the things they can for the moment before going off to school because why? Their parents wanted them to sit their butt down and study. Seriously, then how are they going to be motivated for school if all they ever do is eat their vegetables but never had a taste of desert? (Note that not everyone feels like this, I just find it like that and some of y’all may relate, but others may not so yeah...and yes, I just made up my own proverb) Seriously, how am I suppose to feel motivated when I constantly get demotivated and lack incentive? I found this whole break was an incentive, even if I had to do it behind my parents’ backs, or in other words, “DEFY” them.

Of course, all of this is just opinion. I’m not saying that being productive during the holiday is not good. If you feel ambitious and you really wanna do it, then go for it. But if you’re like me, and you feel like you lack “me time”, it would be great to use this time of rest to rest to the max and get yourself in the right mood before going to school. That is if you so choose. And that’s what I chose to do. To empty my mind so I can fill it up again.

All this I would’ve told my parents. But nah, it’s useless. No use talking to them. They won’t understand anyway. No matter how many times I keep getting scoldings, naggings and whatnot from them, I still chose to “DEFY” them. Hahahahahahah

“THIS IS WHAT I CALL BLATANT DISOBEDIENT”

You do know there’s this one universal joke that has been going around (especially with us younger gens) about Asian parents being perfectionists and all the sort, right?
Stuff revolving around themes like, “If you don’t get an A for your test, you bring dishonor to your family”
or even “....they’ll disown you”
and of the sort. (You can find them here:http://www.jokes4us.com/ethnicjokes/asianparentsjokes.html)

My parents....hahaha you sure you wanna see BLATANT DISOBEDIENCE?
Look at those youngsters who are drug addicts and who are gangsters and do all sorts of crap. I am not like them. I have a family, I have a home, I have “stern” parents to guide me like you so I don’t get as messed up as them. But no, what do I get? “For refusing to switch off the computer late at night, I crown thee with the title BLOODY HELL BLATANT DISOBEDIENT”

If I was so much as hell disobedient, I would’ve ran away long time ago, taken drugs, joined a gang, had premarital sex and the list continues...

But no, why? Because I was loyal and I still am. I am an obedient and loving son who loves you and respects you, heeds your advice and pays attention to your instruction, yet I blocked you from seeing this post because why? I feel that it is better not to engage in an arguement where both points of view are in conflict and where this ends up in a pointless heated debate and discussion of whether I am worthy enough to use any of the said electronic devices. In other words, you are entitled to your opinion and view of the world and I have to listen to it.

In other words, it’s useless. No use talking to you (my parents) because you won’t understand. Maybe you would but you would force me to become what you expect me to be because you really want the “perfect son”.

Maybe you don’t love me. Maybe you love my grades more. That’s why you want me to study hard and be diligent and all, so I can get good grades otherwise you wouldn’t be as kind to me, right? Maybe you don’t love me. You love the idea of me. Because when you see me doing something of which you deem unbeneficial, or any small “imperfection” of the sort you “disown” me, and throw words of contempt in my face like I am not one with feelings. (Now before you flood the comments or anything I know my parents love me and want the best for me....or do they?)

All those things you said about me, my studies, my behavior and attitude, and etcetera I could’ve said the same about you. You can try to imagine your own son coming up to you and saying “Mom, Dad. You’re bad at parenting” and giving you a lecture. But meh, like I said, it’s useless to talk to you.

I care about you, respect you and love you as you are. I forgave the many times you hurt me physically and emotionally, scarred me with words that are hard to forget. I accepted you. And I what did I get? “You’re so bloody hell disobedient.” “SCREW YOU MAN” “Sometimes I wonder ah...” “You always....” “You never...”

Now, I’m not trying to sound selfish, it’s just kinda frustrating to go through all this and be myself and get shit thrown at me like that. But hey, in the end, it’s never about myself, isn’t it? That’s why I always think “I’m bound to the will of my parents”(or something like that). So, I’m never actually “free”, or maybe it’s just me? What do I get out of this? Challenges. I’m not expecting your kindness anymore, Mom and Dad. I left it far behind but I will be kind enough to show how much I love you by letting you throw sticks and stones into my soul so you can weigh it down for me.

And the challenges? To prove myself worthy and exceed those expectations of Asian parents who wants to gain glory and greatness. To show and tell everyone that “Hey! This is my son!” without having to look at him with contempt due to his exams.

I wanna end this thing on a note:
MY GRADES DON’T DEFINE ME.

I’m not a bum, I’m not stupid and no, I’m not blatantly disobedient.

I would tell you all this....but no, what do you care?
It’s useless.
You won’t understand.

You won’t listen to me. You’ll only listen to my grades.
And one day, when I get them
It’ll make you shut up, take back your words, rejoice but only for the moment.
Ephemeral euphoria. Temporal happiness.

After that, the cycle repeats itself until after I get my degree and my job.

Useless.
Utterly useless.
You won’t even listen to me.

You won’t understand.