Future

   If actions speak louder than words, then would that make words utterly meaningless? Not unless they reflect the truth of the reality manifested in our actions…
I, so happen to be an eloquent speaker, but not so much an eloquent doer.
Therefore, does that make me a believable person? Trustworthy? A man of my wor—no, action?

I tend to talk a lot. Sometimes, I tend to talk a lot about myself: What’s good about me and things like that…but my behaviour, attitude, character, works, deeds…they all prove otherwise

            As much as I want to do more than I speak, I know, something is holding me back.
Fear. Everyone has a fear. A phobia; a chain that keeps us grounded. I'm not sure whether to call it motivation or demotivation but be it one or the latter, it is what drives us to pursue our goals.

 

                        Fear.


Mine? The future. I do not know what it beholds, or what have I to make of it. It is scary, frightening. The very reason why I am doing what I'm supposed to be doing is this: the future with its never-ending possibilities. Even if it's not for the sake of living, it will be the for the sake of my survival. Getting those grades in my SPM certificate will be, as my parents would say it, the stepping stone towards my future.
 
         But the way I perceive it, given my circumstances, character, ability, habits, nature; I am nothing more than mediocre: an average joe. I am so lazy. I always try, yes, I try, but only to do the bare minimum of things when I could've achieved so much more, if only I didn't chain myself up in this reluctancy.....

        They say each examination is a battle; SPM, the final war of secondary school. But I've been so used to this system that it no longer becomes a war to fight, but more like a chore to carry out. It feels meaningless! Exam after exam after exam. Tedious! Repetitive...or maybe it's just me. If only I didn't put myself into these shackles of laziness in the first place. My parents were right.

Maybe,
I'm just a child.
Still, a child, fearing and cowering from

the future.

            It feels as if all I just want to do is sleep and be forgotten...

So what do I do? If the future is something worth fighting for, let this be war! I'll train by leaps and bounds. By God's grace, I'll muster up whatever I have left in me and push forward.
Though I don't feel alive, at least doing such things will keep me alive.
After all, life revolves around work.

And if you can't do everything, well, at least

                  do something.

Make that change; be free.