I'm Sorry

To anyone and everyone.

I am sorry.
I'm sorry that I was ever here in the first place. I'm sorry that you had to deal with my bullsh*t. I'm sorry you had to witness such potential squandered. I'm sorry for everything. I am sorry.

To the teachers,
I'm sorry I sleep in class. I'm sorry I can't pay attention. I'm sorry I don't finish my homework on time. I'm sorry that I owed you lots of work since the beginning of the year. I'm sorry I don't practice my math. I'm sorry for the accidents that happened in the science lab back in form 2, especially when I broke the test tube. I'm sorry if spoke behind your back. I am sorry.

To my parents,
I am sorry. I'm sorry for not being the child you want me to be. I'm sorry for failing at my responsibility of being a student. I'm sorry for not doing my chores. I'm sorry for being forgetful at times. I'm sorry for my addiction toward the computer. I'm sorry for my "overreaction". I'm sorry for "talking back" at you. I'm sorry I'm such a burden (especially toward your finances). I'm sorry that I'm the cause of your frustration. I'm sorry for being bloody hell blatant disobedient. I'm sorry for being "screwed up". I'm sorry for being stupid. I'm sorry for all the little things I did that made you just wanted to scream "f*ck you" to my face. I'm sorry I lied. I'm sorry I stole. I'm sorry for the days I cursed you behind your backs. For all I know, God is watching. He shall judge me for this. I'm sorry I'm this one pathetic, hell of a kid who's not even worth being called "your son". As I know, I am nothing to be proud of...
I am sorry.

To my brother and sister,
I'm sorry I'm not the role model I'm supposed to be. (To my sister) I'm sorry I'm not as "mature" as you think, may not be as "responsible" as I'm supposed to be. I'm sorry for being an a**hole to you, for slapping you when I was angry, when I should've been more patient and tolerant toward your attitude. I am sorry.
(To my brother) I'm sorry for hurting you, and for scolding you unnecessarily. Yes, I know how it feels like to be shouted at for no reason. I shouldn't have done the same to you. I'm sorry I was angry at the both of you, for Jesus once said that even hating your brother was intention for murder (Matthew 5: 21-26) (1 John 3:15). I'm sorry. I shouldn't have killed you already, for intention was just as worse as action...

To my friends and acquaintances,
I am sorry for being weird. I'm sorry for not being there when you needed me. I'm sorry for being too loud. I'm sorry if annoy you, or if I have disappointed you in any way. If I've ever said anything to hurt your feelings. To those in my study group, I'm sorry for being that irresponsible a**hole who does nothing good other than sleeping in class and not being able to complete a group assignment together, for delaying an assignment just recently that we were supposed to hand in earlier...I'm sorry I'm so irresponsible. I am just dead weight; only meant to drag you. I'm sorry.
To my the rest of my friends, I'm sorry to those who are uncomfortable with physical contact. I shouldn't have touched you in the first place! I'm sorry for trying to be close to you when you actually meant for me to stay away from you. I'm sorry I'm a very ugly sight to behold. I'm sorry that you don't like me. I'm sorry you don't like my beatboxing. I'm sorry for those times you told me to shut up. I'm sorry for everything. I only wish for your wellbeing. I'm sorry.

But most of all, I am sorry for being myself.
I am very complacent. I'm not the type of student who would strive for success. I would rather be laid back and not give a damn about my exams. At the same time, I try my best to please and appease everyone by at least putting in little to some effort in my school work. I try. I try to change. I'm slowly, passively progressing, developing, but my mistakes will be as they are: they come and go. When they come, they are acknowledged. When they go, they are remembered. How about the good things about me? Well, nobody seems to care. After a long while, I have came to terms with myself and acknowledged the fact that I can't change myself entirely (yet), for it takes a lot of willpower to fight myself for a better change. I am who I am, and I'm sorry for that.

I'm sorry for being me.
I am sorry.